The words we never say...

Mr. Jones says that the hardest thing in life is having the words in your heart that you can't utter.

There are the things we leave. Perhaps we fear the words in refrain. Perhaps no language covers the depth of such emotion. We prefer the nothingness to the unexpected. What if. What if all the things I dream never come to be?
What if I never sit beside you as you sleep? What if we live our entire lives separate not apart?

There are things we cannot promise. Perhaps we realize the allowances of our present lives. Perhaps we see the future consequences. We know too well the heart of humankind.

Do we spend our lives not really listening?
We live in regret for the sake of sidestepping the inevitable.
After all, the best deceptions stem from the souls of those we love the most.

I live in a realm where no one knows me… where I choose how much to give. I know perhaps a handful that have ever seen my heart. I live in a world of shadows, a place where the mind is everything so that I never have to feel.
For what would happen if I let in these emotions? What rending of my soul? What blood would be spilt for the love of those I lost? I need grace to survive this.
Yet I have no concept of something that cannot be earned. I do not understand a Love that asks for nothing in return.
I am an orphan.

In the midst of all that I cannot see, I still cling to my Father with my whole heart. I hold to with unwavering faith, weep with the hardship of exile, and hope in the sole consolation that one day I will look Him in the face. How can hope spring from a life that holds so little faith? How can I fathom the depth to which Love will go to rescue me? This Love …. That asked us to live our lives apart. That requested the wrenching of two souls. That chose to move us in different directions so that we could accomplish even more.

I long to go home. I long to be with you.
I live in brokenness. I suppose, in the end, this too will make me beautiful.