June Sixteenth

On some occasions, I leave England with a sense of being ok with returning. In January, the four days I had in this place were so full, I could barely think straight, I was returning from Karachi, and I was distracted. I arrived in Colorado to a semester full of students, and at the time, I realized that in ministry, they were a priority. They needed to be. God was beginning to create something real with them that had a huge impact on the rest of the school year. God created this trip, but he had to rebreak my heart for the people in order to do so. This refocused my call to the city and made me realize how incredibly deep that passion goes. I am undefined in Colorado because this world passion defines me. There is work at home no matter where you go, and then there are people who are created for nothing else but to live and die on the field.

My old boss once told me that if I could think of doing anything else, I should. However, she said, if I woke up with the dawn, knowing that the field was the only place I could be… well then.
Loving the millions is the only thing I was made for. I know that now.

I like to believe that I am genuine. I want to be a woman of my word. I am the person God created me to be when I am serving on the field. To do anything else would be an affront to the calling. I am so certain of this that the present eludes me.

On crossing this violent ocean
Last I crossed these waters it was to celebrate death. I come to the end of the journey, make amends with the land of my birth, revisit the ancient monuments that led me to You. I am disquieted. The closer proximity veils my heart with questions - I have become a stranger to my own customs.
The water beneath is dark and still, hiding the hollowed out whispers of things long forgotten. A nation of dreamers - and one of them me. In retracing my steps, I notice the colours beginning to change. Things once familiar seem altered, wide-scale. I watch in wonder.
Yet be my peace when my soul is torn by the distance I stand now from Asia.